Conversations With My Father About Donuts

Dad: So, your mother wanted me to talk to you about something.

Me: Oh Jesus. What? I barely drink. I don't smoke. I don't--

Dad: No, it's not that.

Me: Well?

Dad: Well. You have diabetes.

Me: I guess that's true.

Dad: You...you have to stop eating donuts.

Me: Ugh.

Dad: Your niece needs you to live.

Me: Way to play that card!

Dad: Your family needs you.

Me: FINE, I'LL STOP. I'LL GIVE THEM UP FOR LENT. BUT I'LL NEVER BE HAPPY AGAIN.

Dad: Okay!


(How many days until Jesus rises? Seriously. I passed a cop going into a Dunkin' Donuts and it was the only time in my life I wished I was in the pack of a police car.)

Location:Hell