Controlled.

Xanax Dialudid Vicodin Fentanyl Klonolipin Prednisone Imuran Vfend Flexeril Diauludid again yes more, more I can’t think of, more in the bag beneath my bed, more in the notepads stacked on doctor shelves. More for the next time. More to scare me, to heal me, to fix this, to make things worse and better. More ways to go down, more ways to fly out, more ways to take a deep breath and say:

This is not me. These are not mine, these are my body’s.

(There is importance in that distinction.)