Kelly Bergin, Age 11

So basically when I was eleven I was a really precocious and special child. I exhibited extraordinary literary prowess and was pretty much an asshole. Seriously. I was bad. I threatened suicide when my parents told me I couldn't watch a PG-13 movie. I'd like to think it's because I'm an artist (stop laughing) and my young, innocent psyche was damaged from taking in the cruel world of elementary school politics.

Also my brother Greg, who was 6 at the time, was a real pain in the ass.

My dad emailed me this yesterday. It's a gem of a letter I wrote to my parents after an unfortunate hole in the wall incident. I was totally provoked by Greg. That little bastard got away with murder.

It reads as follows (the parenthetical remarks are my father's.)

Dear Mom, 3/26/97

I am very sorry for what I have done. I had a bad day and when Gregory screamed at me I got very mad. I touched his back, I didn't hit him, punch him or kick him. (lie) He may proclaim that, but it is not true. When you told me to get away from him, I said that I can never have a peaceful meal without him yelling at me. You told me that I always have to have the last word. My feelings towards that are not pleasant. I got so mad that I kicked the ground and by accident kicked the wall which formed a hole. (lie) I will pay for the wall, although Dad will not get a birthday present. (surprise,surprise) You can take away my so called allowance. I only have about $20.00.

I hope that you will forgive me. The results of my bad day were I got a C on my math test. I was very upset all day and tonight wasn't exactly the high point of my day.

All I am trying to explain here is that I'm very sorry and I hope you will forgive me for all the trouble I have caused tonight. I love you and will try harder in the future to cool down.

Love always,

Kelly