Kelly Does the Recession

The recession has finally caught up with me.

I'm not sure if it's really the recession's fault or if it's my decision to move out with no money saved. I probably should have heeded the advice of family elders and Moe, but I was tired of commuting and I wanted to have a life again. Scrabble on a Friday night with Mom and Dad just wasn't cutting it.

But right now, people, I am hurting.

It's coming at the worst time, too. I'm 23 now, so my student discounts have finally run out. I no longer can point at the Graduation: 2008 sticker on my student ID card and get away with pretending I graduated in December, not May.

Also, I think I've finally outgrown the kids' menu. It was only a couple years ago that I was handed the children's menu at my local Bertucci's. I must have aged a little bit from that summer after freshman year of college, because I no longer am able to take advantage of the smaller portions and prices. Dammit. (Note: I still order exclusively from the Happy Meal and Big Kids' menus of Burger King and McDonald's. But I rarely go there so this does not help much.) Also I can't order a beer and chicken fingers with apple slices at Friday's. It looks shady.

So now I am officially on a budget. I'm going to start bringing lunch to work because eating out is my biggest expense. No more freewheeling Bergin, people. It's PB & J for big K from here on out.

Maybe my lack of finances will reward me by helping me to lose weight. All those penne vodka dinners at cute Italian restaurants have helped me pack on over four pounds. This must be lost! I went shopping at my mom's old favorite stores, Annie Sez. The mirrors are not kind there. They are not kind at all.

So...while I've just started and I'm in no position to give advice...here are my tips for living in Depression-era times.

1) Sing to yourself instead of replacing your iPod. (So what if I look like a freak wandering down Broadway? I enjoy myself.)

2) Buy childrens' underwear and socks (Wait. I'm the only one who does this? Weird.)

3) If you go to the movies, go around dinner so you can just eat a tub of popcorn instead of a meal. No more dinner and a movie for me!

4) Duct tape your old shoes back together and make them last another few weeks of winter. Also buying those Dr. Scholls things are worth it when you get all your shoes at Target and Mandee's.

5) Decorate your apartment with stuff exclusively from dollar stores. I got some great magnets for my fridge at my local store. One says "A woman doesn't have an ass till she gets married!" How hilarious is that!! I can't believe Brenna hid it on me.

6) Charge everything you can on your mother's credit card. Allow yourself to believe that they won't find out, and then ignore their calls when they do.

Anyone else have any good tips?