Since I was a child, I've been a vomiter. A puker. A hurler. A spit up queen, if you will. My parents nicknamed me Pookie at birth (really guys...you couldn't think of ANYTHING ELSE??) and soon changed Pookie into Pukey Pookie. I ruined many a shirt as a baby (sorry Dad) and was likely ostracized even as an infant due to my penchant for puke. Unfortunately, this vomiting hasn't really stopped as I've moved past the formula stage and into adulthood.
And it's gotten way worse since I had the radioactive iodine.
It's like perpetual morning sickness for a pregnancy that hasn't occurred (thank Jesus). I KEEP THROWING UP. Yesterday, I puked at the Wall St subway station while Brenna gagged (how nice) thirty feet away from me. Then I ruined the bathroom and garbage pails of NJ Transit's fine motorcars. When I got home, I still threw up, even though there was nothing left in my system. This morning, more puking. At work, puking. EVERYWHERE, puking. I'm afraid my new coworkers are going to catch on and think I'm bulimic (though this would be quickly dispelled as they took one look at my potbelly).
And the worst part is, I have hardly lost any weight! As I see it, the upside of a stomach bug is the loosening of the pants. The bulge disappearing. A sudden welcoming party into the size 0 section of J.Crew. But nooo...my lovely stomach seems to magically and miraculously retain the calories even as I puke everything else out. Another example of how my illness has failed to serve me! A fat puker...I mean who would have thought??
I've been to dozens of doctors who can't quite seem to figure out why I keep puking. I've turned off many a man with my vomiting, and frightened my friends with my constant nausea. When people see me, they'll soon hand me a plastic bag and move away from me. The puking has become so common that I don't even think much of it; it's just another day in the life of ol' KPB.
If it makes you feel any better I don't remember you ever puking on me as a child. And thank you for not puking on me as an adult. Although I do believe you ruined a very nice bag I gave you as a bridesmaid's gift.
ReplyDeleteI felt like Vince Vaughn in "Four Christmases."
ReplyDeleteI enjoy your blog for it has given me a another way to procrastinate on my mounds of homework.
ReplyDeletefeel better pukieeee
dont forget the time you ruined the poor doormans uniform at a marriot in boston, by far the funniest expierences of my young life, also when you threw up in katies bridesmaid's bag she gave you, even though you were drunk, class act..
ReplyDeletei also believe i coined "pukey pookie"
- love your brother(it may say anonymous, thats just cause i couldnt figure out how to post one with a name)
That sucks. I'm the opposite - I'm scared to death of puking and I never puke. When I was diagnosed with cancer, that was one of the first things that ran through my head - not am I going to die, but am I going to puke? I haven't yet from my cancer - not to rub it in, honey. I hope you can find a good gastro who can get you some help. This sounds like hell!
ReplyDeleteDear Pookie, I was looking for another pookie not "pukey pookie" when I googled, now i feel like puking....:-( xxo
Delete